Suicide...Warning Signs?

[Jim Casey]

Jimmi's death over the weekend prompted me to think back to a really dark time in my life.

When I was 15 years old, I was without a doubt one of the biggest dorks on the planet. I fit in with absolutely no one (you could argue that today too). I used to PURPOSELY dress in a sweater and sweatpants at school. I carried a bible (in the 80s this was considered weird), hated the music rage of the time (Metal and Pop Metal), had a horrible attitude about life and would never allow ANYONE to take my photo.

I was even less attractive then than I am today.

The one time I was forced to by the school, I frowned in my photo. Westbrook High School (Maine) 1985 yearbook is the only evidence you will find that I attended High School.

In late April 1985, life seemd so bad to me that I took a knife and slit my wrist.

Thank goodness I was a total idiot and never knew how I could do this effectively. I was found about 2 minutes later by my omother, but quickly covered my wound up.

The next day in school, I broke out in tears toward the end of the day for no reason. A counselor came to the room and my mother was called. I showed everyone the wound.

I ended up going to a Psychologist for about the next two years when I decided on my own that I did not need him (I really didn't like him either)

My attitude had totally changed and I started to actually try to dress properly, contribute to my school, and just become a decent human being.

Point is, even AFTER I had attempted something, NOBODY saw the warning signs until I broke down crying.

It makes me wonder if anyone saw the warning signs in Jimmi. It is not very easy and I will say that I doubt it. With all we knew about Jimmi, he had always been a positive guy despite his tragedies of the past couple of years.

I know that people around him will now wrack their brain trying to think if they saw anything amiss...truthfully, they may not have.

I read that he was on DJ Chat as late as Friday. Certainly normal for Jimmi.

The battle over his children I am sure was not helping, but I imagine after awhile he felt helpless about his situation.

It's very easy to fall into a deep depression very quickly.

Trust someone who has done so and harbored those awful thoughts.

I know I have come a long way back...My dark time was only 20 short years ago. That was the same year I found the Entertainment industry.\

Please alwasy keep an eye on someone who's emotional state has suddenly changed, doing badly at work or at school...

[Glen Millar]

I have a friend who has said as recently as yesterday that if it was not for me, he would have killed himself already instead of going through the last weekend, let alone the last months. He too is a DJ. And he is serious.

He already has bought the poison he would use. He contemplates suicide daily. And I talk with him daily, allowing him to just express himself and what he is feeling.

I really do nothing. Not really. I am just there. And he continues to live.

[Wolfie]

Gentlemen,

This time of year seems to bring on bouts of depression and helplessness. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time of year... but this isn't always the case.

I don't know what really happened with Jimmi -- haven't heard from him in a long time so I honestly can't say.

But I can say I know depression. Like Jim, I never "fit in" with the cliques that public schools always seem to produce. More on that later.

Us pups grew up in what is called a dysfunctional family these days. My father was an alcoholic and a city cop -- one hell of a deadly combination. At best, our father was dictatorial and intimidating. At worst he was brutal and abusive. Many a night he'd burst into our bedroom, drag us out of our beds and start bouncing us off the walls and breaking things, swearing and screaming in a rage. My sisters, brother and I are still fighting our own nightmares today, 40 years later. Our mother was afraid of him and, in her misguided way enabled years of abuse.

I never dated because I didn't know how. There is no photo of me in the HS yearbook. A few of us avoided the photo session by sitting in the back of the auditorium and leaving after the class photos were taken. Who would notice nor care?

We wore old, outdated clothes, hairstyles and horn-rim glasses because that's what our father wanted. He kept my brother and I in those "baldie" haircuts from the '50s, long after they'd gone out of style. He lived in a world of his own that didn't include his pups. Because of this we didn't know how to interact with people our age -- we weren't allowed to have friends because our father always found something wrong with them and didn't want them around. We grew up with no social skills at all.

Suppertime at home was always stressful. Our father ate steak while the rest of us ate beans. He'd sit there, munch on his steak and glower at us pups. "His" pet dog has its own chair at the table. While the rest of us ate beans our father would feed the dog slices from his steak.

I did some time seeing a psychatrist when I was young. The guy was good... he recognized my troubles for what they were and told my mother that she and our father needed professional help. Mom listened but our father would have no part of it. As far as he was concerned, everyone else was the problem. And his drinking and abuse continued.

To escape I joined the Navy only to find that it was populated with people who were like my father. I served my hitch and married a woman who was much like my father -- abusive and controlling.

To make a short story longer I celebrated my 41st birthday as a free man. Free at last! Recently divorced and the loneliness was rough for a time. I was living in a small apartment with just a bed and dresser but it was all mine. I had my DJ business, my friends and my sense of freedom to carry me through. I lived alone but I wasn't lonely. I could finally do what I wanted for the first time in my life. I could travel and come and go as I pleased. I could say "no" when I wasn't comfortable with the situation.

Folks, personal freedom is a precious thing and should never be taken for granted. To this day I provide service at wedding receptions and do my best to wish the new couple the very best that life has to offer. On the way home after the wedding shows I think to myself, there but for the grace of God go I. Better them than me. Old Wolfie lived in chains for the better part of his life. Never again shall I be chained. I may die old and alone someday but I shall not die in shackles and chains.

It could be said that victims of suicide did not know the luxury of personal freedom. It is better to be lonely alone than lonely with someone. All things come and go with time but we are the creators of our own destiny.

I guess life is what we make of it. Life is good now. I am older now and things are different. I learned to smile and treat others with respect and courtesy. To be sure I had thoughts of suicide when I was a pup -- all us pups did but we survived. I tend to believe that a higher power kept us alive for a reason.

This old dog has survived much... more than most know. To this day I may seem like an enigma. I endevor to treat all mankind as I would wish to be treated in return. Yet I have little tolerance for people whose attitudes reflect that of my father's, no matter who they are. I am ever watchful for that attitude in all aspects of life. Abuse is easy to spot and I have moved on when I saw it. I have little tolerance for abusive and dictatorial attitudes.

I hope it helps.

I hate this subject because it has and still does effect my life on a daily basis. I too, like Jim, had some troubles in my school years. Started after my parents divorced while i was in Junior high. I went from A's and B's to all F's in one year.
No one thought anything about it and just said i was being lazy. I take anti-depression medication now and it helps some. Peopleneed to understand that depression isnt a seasonal thing. The holidays compound it more, but 9 or out 10 its already there. Here are some warning signs.

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells

Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns

Irritability, anger, worry, agitation, anxiety

Pessimism, indifference

Loss of energy, persistent lethargy

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness

Inability to concentrate, indecisiveness

Inability to take pleasure in former interests, social withdrawal

Unexplained aches and pains

Recurring thoughts of death or suicide


I would also like to point out that children are not safe from this illness. Alot of times, children that are though to have ADD, actually have depression. My son is living proof. Hopeyou all are feeling well this holiday seasonand never, never have to go through this or what any other poster has explained in this thread